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Vain Pursuits

Vain pursuit. So this is what disappointment feels like…

I’ve always known how important it is to me to have others like me. I’ve recently discovered how truly exasperating the vanity of this pursuit can be. No matter how hard I try, I will always be let down, and disappointed. I can’t control people’s consistency. I can’t control their responses.

I can try to “control” a situation by putting all of the proper measures in place that would logically lead to a desired result, but ultimately, I just can’t predict the way the cookie will crumble. People do what they want. People leave when they want. There’s nothing that I can do to change that. I know that. Then the other side of me says that if I can provide people with what they want, they’ll stay. The problem is, we don’t always know what we want. Our desires change. Or, in other words, we’re inconsistent.

I can make plans with someone one day, only to have them forget our plans the next. I can sacrifice my time for someone in hopes that they’ll do the same someday for me, only to never have the favor returned. You can be everything that you know how to be to a person, and they can (inadvertently) make you feel like dirt. Someone can love me intensely, and I can be (or act) completely oblivious, forever. It sucks. People suck. Life…sucks.

There has to be a better outlook than this…

How then should we live? How then can we live?

Honestly, this idea of understanding how unfair and illogical many things in life are, is very freeing. Even typing these thoughts out leaves me with the feeling that I’ve shed some unnecessary weight.

Before I continue, I want to clarify that I’m not speaking of friends, and loved-ones as baggage. Rather, I’m referring to the mental and emotional slavery that we keep ourselves in that says that our identity lies in being validated by other people, or how well we perform. Realistically speaking, when people consistently decline our invitations, renege on commitments, or otherwise respond in ways that are inconsistent with the way we feel they should respond, it’s easy to begin wondering how much they value us. Especially when we see this pattern in multiple people in our lives. It can make us question what’s so inadequate about ourselves that makes them respond in this way.

But if basing our choices in life on the responses of other people is leading us to undesirable results, it makes sense that we stop. But that’s difficult. We can’t just…stop. We can’t just up and change the way we’ve lived our entire lives. But we need to. We need to die to ourselves. We need to lose our lives.

I’m reminded of these lyrics from Natasha Bedingfield’s song “Weightless” from her latest album: “All the things I held in my fist/ if I don’t let go, I don’t exist/ they’ve become the things that define me…that’s not important anymore/ I feel me rising off the floor/ light as a feather, I’m carefree…I’m weightless!” She goes on to sing: “They told me ‘girl to get your way you’ve got to be a ….’/ they say ‘a guy won’t get the girl if he’s not filthy rich’/ it seems to be that’s so heavy, it weighs you down like lead/ don’t wanna be someone I hate, cuz that don’t make no sense…”

I recently posted this on my tumblr: “My prayer is that every single day, I learn to loosen my grip, more than the day before. Less of me…more of Him.” Honestly, the more control I learn to relinquish, the lighter my life feels. It’s exhausting to go through life with the weight of expectations, performing well, becoming who you think you should be…the weight of the world, on our shoulders. It’s heavy. Life gets heavy. Often times, this “letting go” looks like forgiveness, or a change in your perspective (especially when a situation isn’t changing).

C.S. Lewis said it like this: “Human history is the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.” It’s all vanity. Like chasing the wind. In the end, you have nothing to show for yourself.

In a culture that says “He who has the most stuff wins,” I’d like to submit that “he who relinquishes the most wins.” The more “stuff” we have and the more we hold on to, the more tethered we remain to this world. The more tethered we remain, the more stake we have to lose when it all falls down. Which it eventually will. Life never remains ideal. The more tightly we hold on to things, the more they begin to become a part of us…they begin to define us. Simple physics shows us that the heavier an object is, the harder it will fall.

The flipside of this coin is faith. I’m not advocating living a “safe” lifestyle, where you never commit fully to anything out of fear of falling too hard. The reality of the matter is that even after we begin to loosen our grips on the things that we’re holding so tightly, those things won’t suddenly cease to exist. Those experiences, desires, character and personality traits that we feel are “just who we are”…they’ll still taunt you. They’ll still be there to remind you of the good times that you had together…and there were plenty. They’ll even lead you to believe that your life wasn’t bad at all before. In fact, it probably wasn’t. But this is where you’ll have to decide whether or not you’re content with being a mediocre version of yourself, versus a true, actualized version of yourself.

This is where you’ll have to see how real your belief in God really is. Can you really trust God to never put more on you than you can bear? Can you really trust that He’ll work everything out for your good according to His purpose? Can you really trust that He’ll never leave you and forsake you, even though that’s all you’ve ever seen anyone who’s claimed they love you do?

If you can’t, take heart, because the Kingdom of God is absolutely accessible to you. God is all about reconciliation, and bringing us back to Himself. Just look at the Bible, and you’ll see His relentless pursuit for people who treat Him exactly the ways that I mentioned earlier. If anyone understands our lives and has the power to transform us, its God. David Platt states it like this: “You are an enemy of God, dead in your sin, and in your present state of rebellion, you are not even able to see that you need life, much less to cause yourself to come to life. Therefore, you are radically dependent on God to do something in your life that you could never do.” That’s freedom! It’s no longer dependent on ME!

Every major change starts with a decision. A declaration of decisive, definitive choosing. A decision is not an “I’ll try to…” statement, but rather an “I will…” statement. Decisions demand intentionality and focus. I don’t know what you need to do. You may or may not know yourself. But if you feel any kind of way after reading this, God’s probably at work, whether it be through His Spirit, or His providence. Either way, decide. Make a decisive declaration. A definitive choosing…to loosen your grip.

1 comments:

I.Am.Spoken.Word. said...

First, Hi :)
Secondly: Yes, I read your blog (obviously) lol.
Thirdly: I can relate to the struggle of trusting God when it comes to people/relationships. Usually, I can learn to trust Him with circumstances (e.g. paying rent/school tuition), but it's hard to do the dance with people.

Especially those you like to keep around.
I trust God with my life, but how much should I trust the people He places in my life?

Granted, I am at a much better place then I was 5 or 6 years ago. Even 5 or 6 days ago. lol...
I remember having anxiety attacks because I wanted so much to be accepted. Loved. Cherished. Even the affection I received from my parents didn't seem to fill the void.

To me, letting go includes the realization that the void was meant to be filled by God Himself. Because this whole journey is about getting back to The Garden; the place where God walked with Adam.

Jesus made the way, but we still have to walk the path, right? Keep walking the walk, dear brother in Christ...

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